When Life is Doom and Rainbows

Every time I write about something that is a harder part of raising an autistic child I am accused of painting a pessimistic picture of doom and gloom.  Every time I write about some amazing progress or breakthrough or positive aspect of autism I am accused of painting an unrealistic picture of butterflies and rainbows.  I guess that's why I always try to share the whole story.  But life, much like a post, will always present what we choose to see.  We can choose to see the good or we can choose to see the hard.  There are days when the hard overshadows the good and that's okay too.

I could tell you that this morning we got back evaluation results and our autistic son's speech is much better off than it was a year ago.  I could tell you that this morning he had a normal back and forth conversation with our school secretary and it made my heart smile.  I could tell you that he told me he loved me when he first woke up and that that's happening more and more everyday.  I could tell you that he was invited to a birthday party by a friend outside of school and I could tell you how special that moment was.

I could also tell you that upon arriving to occupational therapy today he threw himself down in the hallway and screamed that he hated me.  I could tell you that he nearly kicked through a glass door and that his sister had to be taken by another therapist to safety while we blocked and managed his meltdown.  I could tell you that right after that polite conversation at school he saw a teacher he didn't want to walk with and bolted away from me down the hall.  I could tell you that while I gathered him up he screamed obscenities and tried to bash his head into the cement wall. I could tell you I had tears in my eyes as I left the school.  I could tell you that while I'm thrilled we were invited to a party we most likely will not go because his behavior has been too impulsive for me to chance it.

All of that would be accurate.  And that was just this morning.  Our current status is not butterflies and rainbows and it isn't doom and gloom.  We take the doom a day at a time and we rejoice in the rainbows at every chance we get.

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