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Too Real and Too Tired For Nice

This morning while trying to drop off my child at school I stood in the middle of an office and watched him flail his body, try to throw things off desks and lunge at myself and his teachers.  While office staff looked on gaping and his teacher tried to separate his body from mine I heard him screaming he was going to kill us all.  Damn.  Did reading that hit a nerve?  I'm sure it did for all of them too.  Every time he screams terrible things that he has far too little cognitive ability to comprehend, I wonder if today will be the day that something he screams will get him arrested or shot.   That's our reality.  That's our autism.  I am scared to take him to stores.  The last time I had to carry him kicking and screaming out of a store the police were called.  They thought I was kidnapping him.

And the harder part is that when people think of autism they usually think of nonverbal or Asperger's.  They don't think of what a verbal meltdown brought on by anxiety o…

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